The entire Subway Alumni Station (SAS) staff has thrown their car keys into the middle of the conference room table and are slowing getting drunk. OK, OK, some are drinking white wine, however most of us are doing shots followed by Bud Lite. Spouses, Significant Others, and Designated Drivers have been alerted to pick us up and drag our sorry butt’s home. Are you listening Michael Floyd?
That wise old sage and former Notre Dame Coach Lou Holtz has repeatedly stated that bad things happen in threes (3s). So when will the other two shoes drop? Who is going to get hurt? Who next is going to screw up? This thing with Notre Dame Team Captain and 2010 MVP Michael Floyd sucks big time. How stupid? How Dumb? When will these Star, God Gifted Athletics ever frickin going to learn?
We all presume Michael is innocent. We all presume he is a lot smarter than his actions. So let’s move on Notre Dame Administration and Residence Life. Don’t stick the knife in our hearts please. We all bleed Blue and Gold. Help us Mother Mary.
Sure this is his second run-in with alcohol. Yet he is the pride and joy of the Fighting Irish. Coach Brian Kelly’s great hope for a stellar 2011 season and BCS bid. The SAS staff feels Floyd is going to get hammered like suspended from the Team permanently. Part of the blame is the crap at Ohio State and the Get Out Of Jail Free Card those morons and coach received. ND does not want to look lenient.
The semi-drunk consensus is that Michael Floyd is going to receive the Death Sentence.
We humbly offer the following alternative:
Suspension from all of Spring Football Practice.
200 hours Community Service with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
$800 fine.
Suspension of driving privileges on Campus and Greater South Bend.
Forced to stand naked for three hours in the Notre Dame Peace Monument Pool holding a sign “DRUNK” while getting soaked with cold water.
While the final outcome is far beyond the control of SAS, we are glad that the decision on punishment/chastisement/castigation/retribution is not ours.
Go IRISH.
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