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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Ten Ways to Meet Your Football Coach Behind Closed Doors

If you don't daily follow Notre Dame Football, here is the subject of the Post:  :+(                                   

Here is how you learn the functioning and harsh realities of The Office of Residence Life reviews for misbehavior and misconduct.

Here is how you learn if your new head football coach is a disciplinarian or a sucker for a contrite apology for letting the entire coaching staff and Team down.

Apparently, this is now a yearly right of passage for some Notre Dame football, lacrosse, and basketball players.

Listen up, especially all you freshman football players.

1. Go to an underage, underclassman drinking party in South Bend Indiana.

2. Mingle among the other 50-100 Notre Dame students.

3. Park all over the place, private driveways, yards, double park in the streets.

4. Crank up the music so they can hear it in Ann Arbor.

5. Show the girls your newly acquired body from punishing workouts and training, causing them to scream as loud as possible.

6. Yell, holler, sing the Notre Dame Fight Song, and really have a boisterously good time.

7. Decide you can pretty much lick anyone at the party and start walking around looking to prove it. Can’t find anyone? Then pinch the butt of a senior defensive lineman’s girlfriend really, really hard.

8. Break something that makes a lot of noise, a window, throw a chair (preferably with your best friend sitting in it), rip-off some deck railing or throw a bunch of empty glass beer bottles into the street.

9. If the party residence has a swimming pool, all the better , start tackling people into the pool.  Show off your football talent.

10. Start an impromptu touch football game in the front yard. What the heck, it’s only 3 am.

If the sun rises in the East, then rest assured, the South Bend Police and the dreaded Indiana State Excise Police will eventually get enough complaints and will have to abandon their jelly donuts and coffee at the all-night diner and respond. They will not be happy, especially if it is close to shift change and they are going to have to stay over and write reports and book a bunch of morons.

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